I gotta question for ya
Hello there!
If you’ve ever felt self judgement creep in as the New Year rolls around, you’re not alone.
With the New Year about to kick off again we may do one, or both, of two things. We may reflect on the year just gone or project on the year ahead.
Some of us may reflect and cringe at embarrassing moments we’ve had, hold regrets of what was done or not done, or try to suppress those fears that caused us to self-sabotage. Others, meanwhile, will pat themselves on the back, high-five and with hearts filled with ‘yeah, I did THAT!’, hat tip the year that was.
Then we look forward. Maybe we raise a glass or two and valiantly declare to those around us how we are going to solve the world’s problems, shove the job, write a book, pop the question or that this will be the year we’ll own our own metaphorical mountain.
Here’s the truth. Some will. Some won’t.
And some won’t for many different excuses reasons. Time. Money. Energy.
But the #1 reason will be ‘fear of what other people will think’.
Self Judgement and the Comparison Trap
Here’s a simple way to loosen the grip of self judgement: notice when you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, and name it out loud. Self judgement thrives in silence, but it loses power the moment you call it what it is – a story, not a fact. Give yourself the same grace you’d give a friend chasing the same goals.
You see, we cherry pick.
We look at what is in front of us… all our dreams. All our desires. And then we look around.
We research and we quell our curiosity. And then we compare! Just like kids cheating in a school exam, we check what others are doing, or might do.
And with that comparison, comes critical judgement.
Not just judging the decision, but using others as our scorecard and by default, we judge ourselves.
And that this self judgement is cloaked in the fact that we do not see ourselves as having, doing, getting or worse still, being, enough.
Then envy kicks in.
And with envy you remove everything that is strong and good and clever and amazing about you, completely discounting and devaluing it.
You take all those awesome qualities or results that are ‘you’ and discard them. You give them away not even realizing the value you have just lost. You stack them all on top of the other person’s awesome qualities and results and then give them all this kudos.
In effect, you give away everything about you that has got you to where you are today. Everything that you will need in this next year to own that mountain.
So, in the words of Eminem, ‘I gotta question for ya’:
When will you realise that being your own person is OK?
That what you are strongest at, others aren’t. That what others are strongest at, you aren’t. This is nature. This is the human ecosystem. This is evolution. And together we all go together like a hand in a glove.
Hang on to your own strengths. Share them, for sure, but don’t give them away.
In reality, the grass may actually be a ton greener on the other side.
Just don’t idealise or idolize the grass. Water your own.
So back to your dreams and aspirations for the next year …
What were they again?
As for mine?
In the words of Calamity Jane…
“I figure if a girl wants to be a legend she should go ahead and be one”
Wanna join me? ?
Happy New Year
The sooner you name your self judgement for what it is, the sooner it loses its grip. That one shift in awareness is often the real answer to my question for ya this year.
Self judgement doesn’t have to run the show. If self judgement or fear of comparison is holding your team back this year, Bernadette McClelland’s keynote presentations tackle this exact challenge head-on.
I’m Bernadette – founder of the Decision-Led Revenue™ Operating System and The Revenue Leader of Influence™, where I work with CEOs and sales leaders to build a sales team they can rely on to think, make the call, tell the truth about pipeline and own the result.
If any of this resonated – or if you’re staring at a revenue problem that feels like it should have been solved by now – I’d love a conversation.
BOOK A NO-OBLIGATION 20-MINUTE CALL
And if you’d rather join the discussion, you can also join me on Substack. That’s where the Revenue Leader of Influence community is starting to have these conversations in real time.
